


A Hell Within My Head

by actuallyronanlynch



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alternating, Post-The Raven King, Pre-Call Down the Hawk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24926695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actuallyronanlynch/pseuds/actuallyronanlynch
Summary: Adam wasn't a light sleeper, but he hadn't been asleep yet when he heard Ronan shifting in bed beside him, heard the telltale gasping breaths that meant Ronan was trying to hold back tears. Adam hadn't come to bed until Ronan was already asleep, but Ronan was distinctly not asleep anymore.(Two scenarios in which Adam and Ronan wake up from nightmares and comfort one another).
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 8
Kudos: 156





	A Hell Within My Head

**Author's Note:**

> I received a prompt from an anon on Tumblr asking for a fic where Ronan kisses tears from Adam's face after a nightmare. I was already in the process of writing a hurt/comfort nightmare fic, so I incorporated the prompt into it. I hope you enjoy!  
> (Title taken from Nightmare by Set It Off).

Adam Parrish wasn't a particularly light sleeper.

He hadn't ever been, really; he'd always had difficulty dragging himself out of bed when his alarm went off in the morning, partly due to his general lack of sleep and partly due to how hard it was to feel _awake_ so early in the morning. When he slept over at the Barns, Ronan had to lure him out of bed with the promise of freshly brewed coffee, and even then he was a zombie until the caffeine worked its way into his system.

He wasn't a light sleeper, but he hadn't been asleep yet when he heard Ronan shifting in bed beside him, heard the telltale gasping breaths that meant Ronan was trying to hold back tears. Adam hadn't come to bed until Ronan was already asleep, but Ronan was distinctly not asleep anymore.

Adam set his textbook on the nightstand before turning towards Ronan, trying to ignore the sting of rejection when he felt Ronan tense slightly at the movement. He was still probably half-asleep and groggy from whatever dream he'd woken up from; he wasn't trying to push Adam away.

"Hey," Adam whispered, resting his hand on Ronan's hip over the covers. Ronan didn't move away from the touch. "You okay?"

Ronan grunted but didn’t otherwise respond verbally, pushing back insistently until his back was pressed firmly against Adam’s chest. Adam took the hint and wrapped his arm tighter around Ronan’s waist; sometimes after a nightmare, Ronan didn’t want to talk about it. Adam could comfort him better with touch than with words, anyway.

Adam tangled their legs together underneath the bed sheets and held Ronan against his body, feeling Ronan’s heart beating a little too quickly underneath the palm he had resting against Ronan’s sternum.

“It’s okay, Ronan,” he said, pressing a featherlight kiss against the back of Ronan’s neck. He didn’t say _it’s just a dream_ , because they both knew that didn’t mean a damn thing to the Greywaren.

Adam felt Ronan shiver as he pressed a second kiss to the nape of his neck, and Ronan slowly rolled over so that he was face to face with Adam. His eyes were dry but his expression was troubled, eyebrows knit together and his mouth slightly downturned.

Adam cupped the side of Ronan’s face with one hand and smoothed his thumb along his cheekbone, feeling Ronan’s warm breath ghost across his face as he exhaled shakily. Nightmares were nothing new to either of them, but it didn’t make them any easier to deal with. Adam knew how encompassing the terror from a bad dream could be even if you knew it wasn’t real.

“You’re okay,” Adam murmured, and Ronan let out another tense breath. He ducked his head so he could bury his face against Adam’s neck, and Adam ran his fingers lightly over the nape of Ronan’s neck as he listened to his breath slowly begin to even out.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adam asked eventually, still stroking the short hairs at the back of Ronan’s neck.

“No,” Ronan croaked, his stubble scratching Adam’s throat as he shifted.

“Okay,” Adam said, holding Ronan a little tighter and feeling Ronan’s body go lax against him in response.

They lay like that for a while, their limbs tangled together and their heartbeats slowly syncing up. Adam was beginning to wonder if Ronan had fallen back asleep when he said, barely louder than a whisper, “I miss her so much.”

Adam immediately knew that Ronan meant Aurora, and he pressed a kiss against the top of Ronan’s head in what he hoped was a soothing gesture. “I know,” he whispered into Ronan’s hair, because there was nothing else to say that hadn’t already been said.

-

Ronan had always been a light sleeper.

As a child, it had annoyed him to no end when he was woken up by the sounds of Matthew or Declan getting up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, or being dragged from sleep in the morning before he was ready when his family woke up before him.

He begrudgingly thought of it as more of a blessing these days, because when Adam woke up from a nightmare, it meant that Ronan woke along with him.

Adam was curled into a ball on his side, his arms wrapped tightly around his own torso as he fought to suck in shallow breaths. Ronan heavily blinked away the remaining sleep from his eyes and rested a hand cautiously on Adam’s waist, feeling him tense involuntarily at the touch.

“Parrish,” Ronan rasped, voice gravelly from disuse. “C’mere.”

Holding each other after a nightmare had become commonplace for them; it had been painful and awkward, at first, neither comfortable with being so vulnerable in front of somebody else. But they’d gradually grown to trust each other in their most vulnerable moments, and knew how to best calm each other down when the adrenaline from a bad dream still pulsed through their veins and clouded their thoughts.

Adam rolled over so he was facing Ronan, his face tucked towards his pillow so Ronan couldn’t read his expression. Adam had a plethora of different recurring nightmares, and sometimes he had a difficult time accepting touch when he woke from them. Tonight it seemed like he wanted—or _needed_ —physical comfort, because during the times when he felt unworthy of it, he would curl in tighter on himself and Ronan would have to work ten times harder to drag him from his own spiralling thoughts.

“Adam,” Ronan said softly, nudging him until he lifted his head to properly meet Ronan’s gaze. He had tears pooling in the corners of his eyes, and when he blinked they cascaded down his cheeks in thin lines. Ronan’s heart broke a little, like it did whenever he awoke to Adam in tears from a nightmare.

Ronan took Adam’s face in his hands carefully and leaned forward to press his lips against his cheek, tasting the salt of Adam’s tears against his mouth. Adam let out a shuddering breath, his hands fisting in the soft material of Ronan’s t-shirt as Ronan continued to trail kisses across his face.

He kissed along Adam’s cheekbone to his temple and back, feeling Adam’s tears dampen his lips as he continued to silently cry. Ronan had been unnerved, at first, by how quietly Adam cried; how he could be so controlled when Ronan knew about the panic that was thrashing around inside him. He understood it, understood that Adam had learned to suffer in silence the entirety of his life, but Ronan didn’t want that for him anymore.

He pulled back slightly so he could look at Adam’s face and absently swiped away another stray tear with the pad of his thumb. Adam turned his face towards the touch, his cheek pressing firmly against the skin of Ronan’s palm. His eyes met Ronan’s for a brief moment before flicking down to his throat— Oh. So the dream had been about the demon.

“I’m okay,” Ronan murmured, continuing to stroke Adam’s cheek with his thumb. “You’re okay.”

Adam shook his head, teardrops falling onto the bed sheets beneath them. “It felt so _real_ ,” he insisted, his throat working as he swallowed with difficulty.

“I know,” Ronan said. “But it wasn’t. You’re here in our bed with me. Nothing else is here with us.”

Adam exhaled and forced himself to nod, releasing his grip from Ronan’s shirt and pressing his hands flat against his chest. Ronan mirrored the gesture, moving his hand from Adam’s face to his chest, feeling his irregular heartbeat against his palm. 

“Tamquam—” Adam said, his voice hitching a little.

“—alter idem,” Ronan finished, leaning forwards to brush his lips against Adam’s, their kiss tasting of tears and heartache and, strangely, relief.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated ♥  
> If there are any TRC prompts you'd like to see, feel free to send me an ask or a message on [Tumblr](https://actuallyronanlynch.tumblr.com/).


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